I am currently holed up in a local Cafe, drinking tea and doing nothing that has to do with chores, house keeping, or baby. Calla is almost three months old, and this is my first real break (she is at home with my mom). I am having a hard time thinking of the right words to describe how magical this time feels to me. So let me say that my email can wait, I refuse to do any “tasks” during this time–like look for a family doctor or pay that parking ticket I got last week. This time is for me.
So what’s on the docket? During the first cup of tea I finished reading a book for the Portland Book Review. I wrote the review during the second cup. My third cup is writing this and we will see what else I get done when the caffeine shakes set in and I go cross-eyed. This is the first time I have written in 11 weeks–probably longer as I didn’t do much writing towards the end of pregnancy either.
But things are finally falling into a pattern–not really with Calla as she is constantly changing from day-to-day–but rather the larger scheme of things. My mother has agreed to take Calla for a couple of hours once a week, which gives me this time to work on the book I am ghost writing, to read for the Portland Book Review, and to return to the blog, which has been seriously neglected.
Not that things are returning to what they were before baby. Time is so much more precious now, especially time that doesn’t involve doing laundry or holding a baby. I have gotten a lot better at managing my time, as Calla demands a certain amount of down time–or time where I get nothing done except taking care of her. so in those moments I can indulge in “laziness”, time where I hold her and play with her, or sneak in an episode of my latest TV crush, or just marvel at this thing that I pushed out of my body. But the beautiful thing is that when Calla is with Husband or some other sacrificial family member, doing things is not a hard ship. I am not feeling the evil specter of procrastination hovering over my shoulder. Facebook doesn’t even cross my mind, as there is always time to waste on my phone while Calla is nursing.
But this time, right now, is sacred. I am constantly asking myself what needs to get done in any given moment. Prioritizing has never been more important, and for sanity’s sake the minutia of life can wait while I have a couple of hours to do exactly what I want to do–and nothing else. I have even gotten better at understanding what I want, as I have such little time to do it. I want to write, I want to blog, I want to do yoga, I want to keep reviewing books, and I want to return to Search and Rescue. Anything outside of that list is just going to have to wait–or never get done. AND I am absolutely at peace with that.
And I have to say, having made that list, I feel pretty productive. I have reviewed a couple of books since Calla was born. I have put aside a couple dedicated hours for writing a week, I started teaching yoga once a week, and I even started attending Search and Rescue meetings again. If I get nothing else done during the week, I can still feel pretty good about the way things stand.
So keep your eyes peeled next week for Calla’s birth story. I am finally in that sweet spot where I can write it objectively, but it wasn’t so long ago that I have forgotten details.